What if I truly did not care, at all, what others thought of me?

That sounds so delightfully free to me. That sounds like me living life on my terms without any doubt or hesitation. Well, perhaps there would be doubts, but they would be internal, and justified. Much better than a doubt which is spurred by another’s concern.

It seems so simple, but it really is very challenging for me.

If I am to live on my terms, I think life would be a lot more fulfilling. I would no be so concerned with my impact on how I think I’m perceived.

This is not to be confused with something that is selfish. I feel that I am generous and charitable by nature. And that is because it is something that I value. The difference here is that I do what I believe to be right, rather than what I think others want me to do or say.

I believe that this will truly serve me in the long run. That authenticity is one of the most noble pursuits I can undertake. At least that way, pass or fail, I will have lived on my terms.

I look at some of my greatest depressions and I see that they often stem from the way I’m being perceived by the other. And to make things even worse, they are often unwarranted projections.

If I were to live according to what I thought to be right, all the time. I know that life would be much easier. I would not imagine the criticisms of others and it would allow me a greater happiness.

I still notice in me the reluctance to speak my truth ask the time. And I do not have an answer as to whether there is something wrong with that. Sometimes I choose not to reveal my position because I don’t want to ruffle feathers. Some times I am scared it will be misinterpreted. Can that be understood as me not being myself?

I wonder if there are challenges that my acts of ‘freedom’ would actually invite. It makes sense that the answer would be yes to that.

A solution: I can still internally process and live according to my rule, as I usually do. But I can also exercise caution in letting people know how I feel all the time. There are definitely times where how I feel is irrelevant and it would probably not serve the situation to speak when I am not invited to do so. Knowing when and where to draw the line is a skill that is worth developing.

But, regardless of whether I make my inner thoughts known or not, I can choose to live according to my own values.

I can still be influenced by the world. I actively invite that. There is so much to learn. I have many ways to continue growing. But I will not be broken by the criticism of another. At least, I do not wish to be. I would not willingly give so much power to another.

Even if I am embarrassed, it is because I judge myself so. And from that position of power I am able to quickly pick myself up.

I realize that mistakes will be made, and I am willing to make those because I am willing to be myself.

I imagine myself sitting quietly, eyes close. Quiet contemplation. The mind moving less and less, experiencing more stillness. I imagine myself developing such a strong center. Such a grounded position of personal authority.

I know who I am. That serves me well. That being said, I can see times where I have failed to take refuge in my Self, and I can see how that is a disservice.

This is an acknowledgement of the importance of returning to my center. Acting from my center.

I value honesty. I see how that is freedom. A life lived by someone else’s standard is not what I wish to live.

By being myself I am creating a space where other people may feel more comfortable being their selves. It may also work to it’s opposite; where people feel like they need to be more like me. Which is not what I am advocating for.

In the quiet of my own space I can converse with my real identity. I can speak with the core values which guide me. It is important for me to converse with this self. It is important to make time for me, so that I can remember who I am.

It is too easy to let the opinions of others guide me. This is a reclamation of my truth, of trust in my inner knowing.