Everything that I know, all that I’ve accumulated, each moment I have treasured: what are they really worth?

I feel the need to reassess and reimagine. It feels necessary, and it makes sense, that coming out of my sorrows I again look towards the bright future.

I tell myself that my suffering arises in order to recreate the world I live in. The stress is a sign telling me that something is awry. And so once again the process of letting go takes place.

It seems I am constantly creating and destroying. But I acknowledge both as necessary. It is a process where I build my inner utopia, I try to realize the ideal. And it stands, for a moment or two, but inevitably, all that is not right appears. And the world comes crashing down. But not all is lost.

There are successes, sometimes big, sometimes small. Sometimes the success is in realizing what actions lead to failure. And so as long as I am willing to carry on. Even the deepest misery is justified.

So today, I let go of the construct, the grand imagining and let the wild roots simple existence overgrow. I breathe without intention and let the wild have it’s way with me. I become okay once again with not knowing.

It is a pendulum, from concept to creation. Criticism and praise. And it is a cycle which repeats. Each time offering little bits of wisdom if I am able to catch them.

This is a returning to letting things be as they are. It is a letting go of force, and an invitation for authentic power. Moving with rather than coercion.

There is a natural order, I must believe, that appears when one really listens. When one puts their own agenda aside, and listens to other. Listens to the rustling trees and crashing waves. There is a beautiful comfort in a choiceless wave which smashes on the rocks.

I am like that wave. I gather momentum, in a vast ocean, filled with countless ideas, always shifting. Life, and power dwelling within. People ride upon me. Travelling along. Existing without purpose, a simple expression of the universe. One day destined to crash, and be scattered and repurposed, reimagined in the next great wave.

Some big, some small, some lasting long, some not at all.  But without resistance, they crash and reassemble.

And so today I am in tiny pieces scattered on the shore. My heart has broken, my mind dormant, I lay baking in a sun which shines on everyone just the same. Sometimes it is the perfect warm hug that brings me such pleasure. Sometimes that same sun is burning me. Sweltering heat. And I am consumed only with the idea of escape, finding shade. But that sun shines just the same. It is I which change.

The universe is steady. It offers itself through steady, cyclic variation, but it’s substance is unchanging.

I allow myself to break so that I may reorganize. I believe it is part of the process. The great reimagining.

As I let go of my notions of who and what I am, I find myself rewilding. Retuning to the choiceless nature. A reaction, not a response. Sometimes I find composure by letting go.  Letting the wave have its way with me.

It is a courageous surrender.

On the back of willingness I am made strong. Although there are moments of broken, apathetic, destructive chaos, they exist in the same compendium of progress. They mirror my ability to create.

If the nature of experience is mirror like, then the destruction of this ego is to be reflected by the creation of a new. A new idea which learns from the past. Letting go of the inorganic, forceful position of what I want and need, and bolstered by that very release.

All the power tied up in my perceived needs, now made available for a new belief. One which returns, or at least desires the return, to the natural.

There is a strange relief today. It is less about me. Part of me died yesterday. Looking back, I understand my sadness as mourning. Acknowledging the loss. But a self-imposed one. Mourning that which I willingly send to slaughter. That being, my own vanity.

I see my pride and demand he walks the plank. To be swept up in the great ocean. So that the world may have it’s way with me. Repurposing. Reimagining. Rewilding.

I relinquish control today. I am willing to follow the wind.