Evolution It’s making more sense, the journey, the process. Not just understanding my position day to day, but on larger time lines.

I’m thinking of the difficulties that I’ve faced in writing these last two days. In doubting the purpose of this experiment. But willing to see it through to even what may be a bitter end I feel affirmed today in an awe-inspired way.

I realize that through the trials of the previous days I have been positioning myself to shoot forward in a new, desirable direction. It seems that the stilling was necessary. The stopping, in order to dream of tomorrow. To hit a wall so I can pick myself up and carry on.

And so today I’ve been dreaming, or coming closer to the dreams of yesterday. Yesterday I accepted that there is a bright future. That it is important to have ambitions. And today I am bringing greater clarity to those ambitions.

I’m imagining, what does my best self look like. And I’m not too stuck, or overwhelmed by the intimidating scope, but as an effort in visualization I have been imagining what that self looks like. And I see…

My best self is in great physical shape. He is a runner. He runs in marathons. And competes at a high athletic level. The running is great because it encrusts a position of perseverance. As I run, I know that I can succeed, by sheer discipline, will power and relentless motivation for the mind.

My best self wakes with ease, and enjoys the early hours of the morning. He sleeps 7 to 8 hours and rises with enthusiasm for each new day.

My best self meditates 2-3  hours a day. In the morning, afternoon and evening. He has a very sharp mind which he acquires through the training.

My best self is capable of fluent French conversations. He studies on apps daily and converses with his French speaking friends.

My best self exercises amazing control of his use of substance. He realizes that regular marijuana use is not in alignment with his health and ambitions and he limits his intake to very small amounts quite infrequently.

My best self reads daily. He is very keen on taking in new information and studying the sciences.

My best self is committed to artistic expression. He creates regularly and shares his work publicly.

My best self is a public speaker. He makes a living speaking to people about mindset.

My best self sings and plays music publicly. He demonstrates incredible confidence and devotion when he performs and it is perhaps the most mystical and awe-inspiring of his offerings.

This excites me. These visions of my best self.

And I realize the parts inside me that are afraid to fail. The part that says, ‘yeah, that sounds good, but don’t you want to be free to sleep in whenever you want?’. And I would love to keep that door open for myself. So while I sit here and envision this best version of myself, I still allow slack.

I see this as a process. Today I am embracing my position. I’mexcited about the turning point that the darkness of the last two days has rewarded me with, and I give power to my best self.

While I know that these are challenging, they excite me too. Because even just these last two days have shown me that perseverance leads to opportunities that  you would have missed if you quit.

And I can see myself 66 days from now. Beaming. Embracing this new lifestyle. And that helps to motivate me.

I am excited. My ability to let go of the past allows me to reinvent myself now.

Not just over the past two days but over the past 12 years I have seen how I go through cycles of creation and destruction, almost predictably. The person that I am today has been created in a furnace of discovery. Time after time I am drawn into the kiln to create a new form. Today I set stretch goals.

Running a marathon is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I’ve always been drawn to that.

There is something, yes very intimidating, but so incredibly empowering as well about the version of myself I am imagining.

And in the spirit of experimentation, why not give 40(/66) days of grueling activity in order to see what presents itself. Why not try? The only thing that can be hurt is your ego, and look at how much there is to gain.

I believe I am powerful in ways I haven’t yet imagined, and I’m feeling very willing to tolerate extreme discomfort to get there. I even believe that I will learn to like the discomfort. That I’ll begin to re-identify it as growth and gain. Right now, the prospect of becoming the best version of myself really excites me. Especially because all of the points are within my power.

How is that for empowering? When I define success by the accomplishment of tasks that are within my power!

Yes. The wave of excitement that run courses through me is quite contradictory to the doubts I’ve experienced recently. This will be an interesting process to reflect on at the end.

I am ready for growth.
I am ready for change.
I envision my best self, in great detail, and work diligently to bring him forth.
I accept that this is a lifestyle shift.
I am willing to experiment and give this reality a shot.

I am ready to establish the new normal.